Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
