when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
