You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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