help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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