My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
