By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
