The maid of honor just puked.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
