So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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