Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
