my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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