So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
