Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
