You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
