...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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