RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
