We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
