Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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