I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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