YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's just like the Real World with babies
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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