It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
