3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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