My room smells like vodka and shame
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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