The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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