apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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