I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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