just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
