My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
