You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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