he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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