I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
