Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
