i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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