Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
