Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
