He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
