Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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