Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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