Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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