Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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