some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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