You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
