fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We had sex on a dog bed..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
