I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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