Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
