We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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