OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
