Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
