I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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