I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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