me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
