Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
