took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
