it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
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She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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