she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
