He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
