I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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