That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
