Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
