People with herpes should wear stickers.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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