you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
