he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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