Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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