Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
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