if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
