Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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