And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
