U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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