i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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