I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
