There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
