You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
