YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
