why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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