Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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