From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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