I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
