I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize