no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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