I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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