so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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