it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
