Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
