your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
