It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
