I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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