Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
