i love accidental penises.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
