You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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