she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
