After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What drink are we having for lunch?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
