my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
