You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
